Family of Origin Issues

 
SunandMoon_solologo_dark-01.jpg
 

The world is experiencing a global pandemic and the United States is witnessing monumental shifts in social justice initiatives, shining a light on systemic issues. The constant barrage of information on news and social media can take its toll on one’s mental health. For many of my clients, one fundamental thing is shaping the way they are coping with social isolation and the many problems that are casting a shadow on the world right now: having a strong relationship with your Family of Origin (FOO).  A strong FOO relationship can offer comfort, hope, and support during this challenging time, however many emerging young adults can find it difficult to cultivate or maintain this core support network. 

One’s family of origin is the family in which one is raised during their youth and family of origin issues typically originate when the family of origin is unhealthy or abusive, rejecting of identity or lifestyle choices, or absent altogether. With the recent celebration of pride month, this was a strong reminder for several clients of mine who came from a religious household where family members found it impossible to accept their loved one as they are. 

Toxic family members were illuminated as the Black Lives Matter movement gained support. Many young adults are tirelessly trying to educate family members who are condescending and resistant to change, with some choosing to avoid these topics as they know their family members are set in their racist mindset and any attempt to educate them may come as a personal attack. This is a point of tension for many people and is causing major fall out within their family of origin.

Similar issues are coming up with families and how they are dealing with COVID-19. Similar patterns of resistance arise with people thinking they don’t need to wear a mask or that the virus isn’t worth taking seriously. This harmful line of thinking is causing family tension in the form of debates over health and wellness and driving barriers within families as some members refuse to see one another over concerns of personal health caused by their decision to neglect public safety requirements.

If you feel like you can relate to some of these issues, know that you are not alone. Navigating these times of uncertainty is hard enough and with the added weight of FOO issues it can feel lonely and depressing. When we start to think of ways to alleviate some of this pain, the first place to look is your Family of Choice (FOC). A Family of Choice are the people in your life who share the same ideals and choose to be there for you and lift you up. Even if you can’t currently see your friends in person, make time each week to call/text/video chat.  It is an uplifting way to remind yourself that there are good people in this world who care about you. 

Sometimes things are better left unsaid so if it is helpful for you to write down your thoughts, write a letter(s) to your family members. This can be a letter that you never send or maybe you decide to share with them one day. It can be helpful to release any pent up thoughts and feelings and reflect on how their words or actions have affected you.

Although the pain that comes with FOO issues is very real, it is helpful to remind yourself that you are living your truth. Whether that comes from living your life as your true identity, loving who you choose to love, being openly anti-racist, or wearing a mask out in public to protect yourself and others. You are writing your own narrative and following your own path and that is truly something to be proud of. As we continue living in this time of uncertainty, be certain that you are defining your future by standing proud in your beliefs today.